Monday, April 21, 2008

Someday, I'm going to . . .

"If I could turn the hands of time, I'd turn it forward to tomorrow. I want to move beyond with optimism and growth, taking the past which has gone by as my lessons in realizing the future with hope, courage and determination." --Unknown

Sitting next to my computer is a dollhouse---a fairly large, Victorian styled dollhouse that is not quite complete. It's been sitting in here for many years, collecting dust and stacks of books and papers. But, someday I'm going to finish it.
About eleven winters ago, the girls and I were going through a really difficult time. Jim was in and out of the hospital and everything in our life seemed totally out of control. We were spending a lot of time over at my parents' house and I just couldn't seem to concentrate on anything. It was taking everything that I had within me to try to keep things as normal as possible for the girls, but that was taking its toll on me. My mother recognized that and suggested that I get a dollhouse to work on---something to take my mind off of life and give me some sort of outlet for my feelings. Both of the girls had dollhouses and my dad loved working on his miniature train, so with a bit of skepticism, I picked out the house and we began working on it--my mother and I. And Mother was right---it helped. Working on the dollhouse in their upstairs bedroom gave me a chance to release some of the stress--to escape from a really difficult reality for a while and focus my thoughts on something fun and creative. The decisions that had to made with my dollhouse revolved around what kind of glue to use or what color paint to buy and didn't have the lives of two little people hanging on them. And while it certainly didn't change the reality of what we were facing, it gave me a chance to reflect on other things and return to life with a bit of renewed energy.
For several years after, I worked on the house---making tiny furniture and accessories from bits of wood and paper---often in the winter when it was cold and lonely outside.Then, as things in my life began to fall back into place, the dollhouse was put on a shelf. To work on again someday--- in happier times, for happier reasons. Or maybe just because . . .

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JJB said...

the best thing about your blog is learning more about you. and to think, that there's stuff i don't know about you.

let me just tell you that everything you did worked. im sure cal would agree. we knew very little about what was going on, and personally i'm very grateful that i was shielded from most of it.

as an adult myself now, it's very interesting to learn about how you made decisions about how to raise use girls.

and now, there are holes in the stories that i would love to have told. however, even now im not sure im totally ready for them.

i love you lots. and your photos are great!
love, one of the two little people whose lives were hanging on your decisions

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