Love After Loss

Many of you know that I was married before, but, tragically, mental illness took him from our family. In the years that followed, I dated a little bit, but not very much. While I hoped to eventually find someone to share my life with, it all took so much effort. I had difficulty even meeting appropriate single men, much less entering into a relationship with them. It was all so confusing and scary, and when the girls were still at home, even harder. By the time they were grown and gone, I had settled into a busy routine of being single and finding the right person seemed rather hopeless.

I lost both of my parents during these years, I worked hard at my job as a teacher, did a ton of volunteer work at my church and enjoyed sewing and crafting into the wee hours of the morning. I have never been much of a cook, and being alone meant I didn't really even have to think about that chore. It didn't matter that my house was a wreck from the crafting and sewing--who was going to see it anyway?--and laundry was something I did when I had run out of clean underwear. Staying so busy left little time for meeting new people, taking risks or leaving myself vulnerable. I felt that God must have other plans for me, so I threw myself into these things and focused on being happy as a middle-aged single lady.

And I was happy. I did things I enjoyed, had a great job and great friends, not to mention an amazing family. Then all of sudden, out of the blue, Ron Perkins stepped into my life at a summer race. We bumped into each other after 30+ years and things have never been the same since. It's not always easy--nothing worthwhile ever is--but it's been good.

In order to nurture our relationship, I backed out of some of my volunteer responsibilities and have been choosier about which ones now receive my attention. I am still not much of a housekeeper, but, I try to confine my artistic messes to one area of the house now. Instead of sewing into the wee hours of the night, I find that I am now content to stitch on the couch while he watches football or while he is at work. I don't mind doing double the laundry one little bit and --brace yourself -- I actually enjoy cooking now!!

All of that is pretty easy stuff to do when you are in a good relationship. The part that is difficult is the most important, however. You see, I can't hide my broken parts from him and sometimes we both speak sharp words to each other that hurt. It is hard leaving myself vulnerable to another person, but in the pain of misunderstanding and disappointment, he is there for me and I am there for him. We forgive and we start again and we literally old each other up when the other is unsteady.